IF YOU REGULARLY HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING OR SEEING THE BEAUTIFUL NUANCES OF SARCASM AND EXTREME SILLINESS PLEASE DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING POST :)
Yep, I get it. Sports are important to people. However, I also know some people are tip toeing the hair thin line between enthusiasm and fanaticism. Okay, okay, admittedly, I have my own wee obsessions with things....like books for instance. I am totally out of control, coo coo, dazed and crazed with the written word. For instance I finished a 900 some odd paged (small type ),mind you, book in a few days before Thanksgiving. I knew I was killing my day, entering a zombie like state of function the following day to finish so fast....I was afraid to even look at the clock when I finally turned off the light, ...if it is after 3:30 I just take my glasses off and intentionally kept the truth from myself. It is less painful somehow.
I share this with you, not because I am proud of it, but because I get the 'obsessive' thing. I really do. However, for the most part, I am a cerebral person and the 'madness' surrounding sports just does not compute for me.
I really do think I am correct when I say, "It is just a game." Its a sphere, a few people and some rules. Big Whoop. Hate me, hurt me, call me names but I don't really give a yack. I am as dispassionate about sports as you probably are about blogging. Call us even, but please read on.....
Granted, sports can be so exciting for some, it can make you a bit looney and lose your mind........or even body.(note photo below)
Its easy to get fixated.......focused......have tunnel vision..."Must win, must win."
However, for those of us who are not as easily thrilled, can I beg a favor? Can you please please please come up with something else to say about these sports you so live for? I will have to poke my eardrums out with hot irons if I hear these few phrases again,....
"Um, we just took the ball to the hoop tonight"
AS OPPOSED TO JUST DRIBBLING AROUND AIMLESSLY FOR HOURS ON END
"Yeah, we took the ball down the field"
WE WERE THINKING ABOUT TAKING IT INTO THE STANDS FULL OF SPECTATORS TO SEE IF WE COULD RUN INTO THE HOT DOG GUY, AND HAVE A SNACK
"We are going to win one game at a time"
EPIPHANY HERE......I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU COULD WIN SEVERAL GAMES BY JUST PUTTING ON YOUR SNEAKERS AND SQUEAKING LOUDEST ON THE FLOOR
"We just need to bring our best game"
AS OPPOSED TO THE OPTION OF BRINGING YOUR WORST STINKIEST GAME?
"Its a team effort"
I HOPE SO, BECAUSE YOU WOULD LOOK PRETTY STUPID CRUISING DOWN THE COURT BY YOURSELF DUDE
My Favorite Fan Phrases:
"We are number one"
NO YOU ARE NOT, IF YOU WERE YOU WOULD NOT BE COMPETING
"I hope our teams shows up tonight"
THOSE WOULD BE PRETTY CRAPPY TICKETS IF THEY DIDN'T
"We will 'OWN' them tonight"
NAH, PRETTY SURE ONLY MICROSOFT MONEY CAN AFFORD THEM
"We will rock you"
INSTRUMENTS ARE STRICTLY RESERVED FOR THOSE WHO CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THEM
If you have never played the sport, and are just going to sit on your bum and watch it, what gives you the right to yell at the players? Don't get it. Are you crazy?
I married into an extremely competitive and athletic family. Yikes, here she comes, the 'High School Speech and Debate' champion, .....she is going to TALK to us again!!!!!
They are the most amazing family in the world, truly, however, and you and I both knew there was a 'however' coming. However, the amount of dinner table conversation dedicated to football is remarkable. Maddening at times and to someone wired like me, excruciatingly dull. If only there were a divot of space for art and literature amongst the linens and flatware........ Until then, may I offer these phrased substitutes to all sports fans here and abroad to quell repeated offense to the ears of those of us who don't give a harna's botswana.
THERE IS THIS ONE:
"So, I made a crow sandwich, anyone from the U of U want a bite"
OR THIS ONE:
"The pigs called and they want their skin back"
OR THIS ONE:
"Instead of taking the ball down the field, we are going to use it for a nice center
piece here in the middle of these straight white lines"
OR EVEN THIS ONE:
"Okay guys, line up in order of ugliest tattoos, "Hey you! Beckam! Get up to the front!"
Note to reader: This is coming from a mother of 2 very athletic and physically successful boys. I have probably been to more games of soccer, T ball, baseball, wrestling, basketball, events of track, and tennis games/matches than you can even muster up the enthusiasm to say, "Go Team" for. I know of what I write, and of what I speak. That being said, I do actually like to watch when MY kids are playing, but its all the rest of the kids that put me in a snoozer.....come on! admit it! You too right?????!!!