Yep, I am so totally like 'in control' of my life, in charge of my destiny, my future is in good hands......I see it on the horizon, my perfect life....its clandestine, clear and conquered!
Yeah. Right.
I'm 39 and I have one profound feeling encompassing all others today.....taking front stage in the theatre of my life. The feeling is FATIGUE. I'm whooped. I'm tired. I am O.L.D.
My fantasy life 'should' be so glamorous. Fine dining, expensive jewelry, nice cars...vacations on a yacht or a private island....with or without Johny Depp :)
Instead, I am craving a delicous book, a warm lavender rice bag, some cozy socks and a bit of peace and quiet. 19,29,and 39 are not only literally decades apart, but symbolically apart in my status quo of top indulgences.19- surf and sea all day, skip my classes at BYU Hawaii and hang with the girls
29- put my 2 'active' boys to bed early and 'indulge' in skipping house work
39- well......like I said, its all about a few dusty pages in a book and being warm
A few things through the decades have NOT changed. Most importantly, I am certain that this life is a 'test'. I am also certain I am not 'really' in charge. He is. I just hope I get a passing grade, or at least a field trip to the proverbial 'big house'.
Resurrection debi is going to be a fox. I know she is in here somewhere :)
I am content to enjoy this day by teaching preschoolers how to grow flowers. Using my favorite gardenia soap, taking deep breaths of fresh air, kissing my babies and cuddling up tonight with the big daddy. Life is good. Birthday or not, middle age or not, I am very very blessed and sublimely content and grateful. It might be because I eat more carbs than you, but I don't think so :)
Happy Blessed Day I was born. I should really send my mom a bouquet of flowers today. She is the one who did all the work 39 years ago. I guess its time to have my cake and EAT it too (at least until I start my 8 millionth diet tomorrow)! This ones on me people! Grab a sweet, its my treat!
